Aww Sammy
by kate131291
Summary: Sam makes Dean listen to "his" music and Dean finds lyrics moving. Hopefully better than it sounds and this is my first ever ever fic so be nice. snow patrol- somewhere a clock is ticking
1. Chapter 1

"Aw Sammy, come on, your music?!"

"I believe Dean, that it was your rule 'driver picks the music, shotgun shuts his cake hole.'"

"Fine, I may have to change that rule after an hour of listening to your emo angsty music"

"Just shut up, or sleep, or whatever it is you do when I drive."

Sam slid the tape into the Impala, Dean rolled his eyes but Sam couldn't tell if it was disgust or sheer horror of not listening to his beloved mullet rock for a couple of hours until they got to the motel.

**I've got this feeling that there's something that I missed  
(I could do most anything to you...)  
Don't you breathe**

**Something happened, that I never understood  
You can't leave**

The song that filled the car surprised Dean the more he listened to the song the more he found he could relate to the lyrics.

The fire, Mom and Jess dying, their father disappearing and Sam getting 'abilities' all these things happening it had an ominous feeling, like something was happening and you wouldn't know what it was until it was too late.

He glanced over at Sam but quickly turned away hoping Sam didn't notice. Sam said he wanted to go back to collage after this was all over. But would he leave again? Go off and try to lead some apple pie life? Dean tried to get off that train of thought as it seemed to add extra weight to his shoulders that were almost buckling under the weight they all ready had.

**Every second, dripping off my fingertips  
Wage your war  
Another soldier, says he's not afraid to die  
Well I am scared **

This war was coming, and sooner than Dean would like to admit to Sam or to himself. He just hoped that they would find their Dad before then. Dad may not be scared to die taking this demon down to fulfill his revenge for it killing Mom. But Dean was shit scared of dying and more importantly of leaving Sam. He may have acted all calm when he was electrocuted, but when he was left alone and he was able to think what was going to happen to him and to Sam once he had gone made him grip to life with the edges of his finger tips. He checked out of hospital so he could be with Sam and not in the hospital. When he was 'saved' he not only felt guilty but relived that he wasn't dying or leaving Sam. He didn't want to think what would happen to Sam if he lost everyone.

**In slow motion, the blast is beautiful  
Doors slam shut  
A clock is ticking, but it's hidden far away  
Safe and sound**


	2. Chapter 2

_A/n don't own the boys or the song. Please review_

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**"It's Beginning To Get To Me"**

**I want something  
That's purer than the water  
Like we were**

It's not there now  
Ineloquence and anger  
Are all we have

_Oh god_! Thought Dean, as the next song filled the car, what is it with Sam and his music, he was so gonna have to change his rule about driver picks music shotgun shuts his cakehole. The song has only just started and he was thinking about it. _Songs like this should be banned _thought Dean. He started to think about when they were younger especially Sam, he tried so hard to protect his little brother from this life, protect him from hunting, from killing. Sammy shouldn't have to live this life, he was so innocent and now only vestiges of that innocence remain. With Jess gone _his _Sammy has become cold, hard and angry and he doesn't know for the first time in his life how to fix his little brother.

**Like Saturn's rings  
An icy loop around me  
Too hard to hold**

Lash out first  
At all the things we don't like  
Or understand

After the way Sam lashed out in the asylum, it was the first time Dean had been scared of his brother. While he forgave Sam he just couldn't get past it, couldn't get over what was said and done. Every time he thought about it, it hit him again.

**And it's beginning to get to me  
That I know more of the stars and sea  
Than I do of what's in your head  
Barely touching in our cold bed**

Are you beginning to get get my point  
That all this fighting with aching joints  
It's doing nothing but tire us out  
No one knows what this fight's about

Dean knows that Sam is not telling him things about Jess, and what happened in the lead up to her death. Sam is having nightmares every night and trying to hide them from his big brother. Sam should know that he could never fool Dean like he could their Dad. It's like he has to start again, to rebuild their relationship. And then there is the fighting, not just against spirits and other stiff but between themselves, they never did that before. Maybe it is just living so close to one another again, maybe it's not, he really doesn't know anymore.

**The answer phone  
The lonely sound of your voice  
Frozen in time**

I only need  
The compass that you gave me  
To guide me on

He rang Sam when he was at Stanford, just to hear his voice on the answer machine. It was so hard living without him, and now he has him back he doesn't know what he needs to do with himself to become accustomed to the fact that his little brother is back. Dean wonders if Sam feels at home. And while Dean has worries about his relationship with Sam, he knows that he feels more at home now than he has done in four years.

**And it's beginning to get to me  
That I know more of the stars and sea  
Than I do of what's in your head  
Barely touching in our cold bed**

Are you beginning to get get my point  
That all this fighting with aching joints  
It's doing nothing but tire us out  
No one knows what this fight's about

It's so thrilling but also wrong  
Don't have to prove that you are so strong  
'Cause I can carry you on my back  
After our enemies attack

Dean knows that what happened with Jess is killing Sam. He knows it but every time he tries to bring it up Sam blocks him out. He just wishes Sammy would tell him, and he would gladly carry that weight for him. He needs to talk to Sam about Jess, and maybe while Sam was driving he could broach the tabooed subject.

'Sam we need to talk.' Dean said turning to face Sam.

**I tried to tell you before I left  
But I was screaming under my breath  
You are the only thing that makes sense  
Just ignore all this present tense  
**

'Sam we need to talk.' Sam heard Dean say so he turned to face him.

'We need to talk about Jess'

'NO DEAN WE DON'T' Sam shouted

'Yes we do, you might not realize this but I do and you are gonna got yourself killed or me killed' Dean retorted

'What could be so awful that you would keep it from me?' Dean asked careful not to raise his voice

'You don't wanna know' Sam growled

'Yes I really do wanna know' Dean replied

Suddenly Sam slams the breaks on, causing Dean to almost fly through the windscreen. Before Dean can give Sam hell about that, Sam has already left the car and is walking down the road.

'Sam come on, walking away won't mean that it won't be here when you get back' Dean shouted getting out of the car and jogging to catch Sam up.

'Hey Sam' Dean says grabbing Sam's arm.

Sam whirls round at the contact and punches Dean to the floor, and looms over him. 'Go on Sammy tell me… Hell! Take another punch if you need to, but you need to get this off your chest'

'you don't know when to stop do you?' Sam roared in Dean's direction

'Yes Sam I do, but I have been letting this go for months!' Dean said getting up.

'Fine! You want to know, I had nightmares of Jess's death before it happened and I did nothing! I knew what was going to happen before it happened Dean! Tell me then I am not responsible when I could have stopped it!'

**We need to feel breathless with love  
And not collapse under its weight  
I'm gasping for the air to fill  
My lungs with everything I've lost  
**

'You're not responsible Sam, and we will figure things out' Dean said coming to stand near Sam.

'I just want her back, I want her back so bad' Sam whispered brokenly

Dean's arms went around Sam like they used to when they were little and were able to chase all the demon's away.

'Shh…it's gonna be okay…I'm here' were the only words of comfort Dean could offer to his brother as he finally broke in his big brothers arm's. However while Sam mourned the loss of Jess and the life he could have had, he also knew that he had come home.

**We need to feel breathless with love  
And not collapse under its weight  
I'm gasping for the air to fill  
My lungs with everything I've lost**

**Fin**

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**Please Review!! **


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